im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
