I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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