i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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