I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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