so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
