Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize