By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
