I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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