i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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