i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
