a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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