I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
