Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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