I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
