I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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