I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
