Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
