RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
