it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude i'm inner monologue high
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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