i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
