So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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