He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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