He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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