Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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