Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
