Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
