I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
pray to the hookup gods
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
