I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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