I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
