I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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