i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
