i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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