i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
