At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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