K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
