you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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