He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
