Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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