I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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