broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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