I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
