...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
