it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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