Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
whose parrot is this?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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