I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
