John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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