We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's just like the Real World with babies
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My penis needs a shock collar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
