And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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