we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
