Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
