Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
