I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
