So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
