The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
