We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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