Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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