This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
