It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
