I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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