# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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