Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
