Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
