She is in my trunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
