Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
