I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
