Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
