the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
