So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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