Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
