She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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