Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
