well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
