awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
