I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just threw up on my dentist
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
