Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
