I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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