before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
