Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
