i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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